He ‘s a multimillion-selling musician and married to the gorgeous Gwen Stefani, so how come we don’t really know Gavin Rossdale? Sylvia Patterson persuades the elusive star to open up.

Gavin Rossdale is reflecting on the past 12 months, the year his wife became the biggest alternative popstar on Earth ‘Aw, it’s been shocking’ he laughs. ‘But I saw it from the first day Gwen went off to the studio and I saw the struggle and commitment. It blows me away that she’s at the top of her world now’. We’re in a crisp hotel room in central London, Gavin’s athletic frame filling a comfy armchair. Aged 37, cartoon handsome and gently sipping a mineral water, he’s surely England’s most charming, well-mannered rock star; a Londoner prone to the odd quip, who signs the room-service bill and asks the bewildered European porter, ‘Can I get cashback with that?’

Since his marriage to Gwen Stefani in September 2002, their musical careers have splintered in opposite directions. Gwen’s solo triumph became ‘nuts’ while Gavin put Bush, his 10 year old US based rock band, who’ve sold 14 million albums worldwide, ‘on ice’. Guitarist Nigel Pulsford, distraught at missing his son’s first years, no longer wished to tour. It was a decision Gavin respected, although, ‘For me, I physically need- soul-wise need- to go on tour and be who I am’. So he created a new band, Institute, who’ve just released heir debut album, Distort Yourself.

Gavin, like Gwen, also has a burgeoning film career, appearing in three recent films, Little Black Book, The Game of Their Lives and Constantine with Keanu Reeves. He admits ‘opportunities arose’ although he adds, ‘I legitimately auditioned!’ On set, some people would goad him ‘ They’d be ‘La de da Shakespeare this, Shakespeare that- Just get the record out!’

Being this busy, both working in the public eye, it heart warming that after six years of courtship, Gavin and Gwen married each other not once but three times: in St Paul’s in Covent Garden and twice in Gwen’s birthplace, Orange County, in a two-tiered, Catholic, indoor and outdoor ceremony. ‘So yep, three times. We bound it’. The second/third weddings were family only affairs and London provided the party, where Gavin’s beloved ( and now sadly departed) Hungarian sheepdog, Winston, was honoured as Best Man, Gwen wore a white and pink silk gown designed by her friend and wedding guest John Galliano. ‘She cried, he cried and so did the dog’, said Galliano at the time. During the vows, Gwen was fighting back so many tears the vicar ( Gavin’s religious studies teacher at school) urged her on with a gentle, ‘Come on you’ve got to say it’.

The reception was held at private member’s club Home House, where a £10,000 blue and cream tent was filled with a dozen illuminated ficus trees and hundreds of white candles. At the church, the courtyard was customised by No Doubt video director Sophie Muller, and featured trees festooned with hydrangeas and silver stars. Pink roses framed the church doorway that was topped with two silver G’s. Famously, the bride was an hour and a half late. ‘We were waiting in the church’ says Gavin, ‘the air was a bit dry and Winston started coughing, he was getting old. He needed a drink so someone just took one of the bowls and scooped the holy water out. I know for a fact that God wouldn’t have minded’. But at no point, insists Gavin, did he think he’s actually been jilted at the altar. ‘She’s always late’, he chortles.

Gavin contemplates how marriage changes a relationship. ‘When you’re not married, you can allow the smallest thing to become the biggest thing. But anyone will tell you compromise is a good balm to marriage. It’s knowing that the other person will still be there at the weekend, so you might as well figure it out on the Tuesday. Before you could disappear for a week in a huff, whereas now you might as well huff together’.

In October 2004, Gavin and Gwen faced one of those ‘big things’, that would have created a great deal more than a week-long huff. After an agreed paternity test proved positive, Gavin suddenly found himself father to 16 year old Daisy Lowe, daughter of Pearl Lowe, central figure in the Primrose Hill ‘wife-swap’ drama earlier this year ( involving Jude Law, Sadie Frost and Pearl’s partner, Danny Goffey). Gavin and Pearl, friends as teenagers, had a brief affair in the late 80’s. With a court case still pending ( assumed to be over money) both Gavin and Gwen refuse to discuss the situation publicly, though rumours erupted that their marriage was troubled as a result.

Gavin says the news came as a genuine shock. ‘Yes’, he nods, already visibly uncomfortable,’ but like everything, whatever doesn’t kill you is gonna make you stronger’ It’s definitely…it’s not the best recipe for the start of a marriage. It’s been so much more difficult because it was made so public. And that’s why neither of us talk about it. So we just allow anyone else to. But for us, pshooo..y’know?’. He looks physically pained, toys with the neck of his T- shirt and pulls it upwards, covering the whole of his mouth, right up to the bridge of his nose. It’s a tragic situation; Gavin had remained Pearl’s good friend and Daisy’s godfather ( they’d talk regularly on the phone) but he has no relationship with either now.

October 2004 was also the month Gavin lost his beloved Winston, his constant companion for over 16 years. A thoughtful, philosophical man, he sought solace in the mysticism classic The Tibetan Book Of The Dead. ‘I’m not stuck on being a hippy’, he decides ‘ but I really believe in fate. That things are pre-destined and there are reasons for everything and it’s alright, everything balances out. I’ve become obsessed with the whole concept of karma and the way you treat people. For me, it’s been quite a helpful tool. And Gwen has lived a blame-free life. She has such amazing karma and that’s why I’m her balance’.

He hopes for children with Gwen but their schedules for now, take priority. ‘people say, ‘Oh there’s never a right time to have a kid. Children are miracles, gifts from the universe. So we’ll find a way, if we’re meant to, we will.’

They still have two homes; Gavin’s five-story house in Primrose Hill and their pad in Los Angeles, ‘near Silverlake, much hipper and cooler than Beverly Hills’. Gavin describes himself as having ‘the counter-culture side-show going on, to Gwen’s fabulousness. I bring the jagged edge to her smooth’. Sometimes, when they’ve both been away, Gavin insists they walk around their LA garden, ‘Otherwise you take it for granted-and if you’re numb to your environment, you’re probably numb to yourself’.

Sometimes, they just block out the world and switch on the TV. Gavin is obsessed with grand, deep films like The Shawshank Redemption, while Gwen is the opposite. ‘She likes the surgery shows’ says Gavin, shaking his handsome head. ‘But if I’m having some noodles, I’m not sure I want to watch someone having a chin implant put into their stomach. For me, if you’re having a really hard time, nothing beats an amazing film where you can identify with someone in a terrible position. As human beings we all make mistakes- but it’s life affirming. And you have to move on. What are you going to do? Stop? You’re going to keep on living’.